a gentle reminder

I do not function particularly well in the mornings, it is something that my husband has always known about me, and a trait he often wishes I would change (especially as he is always up early). It is 7:30am on a Saturday morning and I have been awake since 4:50am. My husband has left for work, and my son is asleep, and yet here I am, laptop on, hot coffee and snuggled up on the sofa.

As I was tossing and turning in bed, attempting to chase myself back to the land-of-nod, each time I closed my eyes, I was transported back to Fiji, specifically my Mum’s home.

A cool temperature accompanying the early morning dew. Smells of buka & firewood from the neighbours. Tiny droplets of moisture, settling on the hibiscus plant. A child next door being called to get ready for church. Lying under the duvet I felt the cool breeze come through the louvres, blowing over my face as the rest of my body stayed snuggled and warm. Feeling calm, content & safe.

Open my eyes, check my phone. It’s 6:30am – I wasn’t dreaming, and I barely fell asleep. It’s Saturday – Levi is lying next to me, Mana has gone to work. It’s July 3rd – now I know why I’m awake. Aunty Oro.

I spent the next 15-minutes looking through photos on my phone. Images that captured memories that still feel so recent. Mum – I wonder how she is? I should probably message her. *ding* Anna sent you 3 images* Aunty Oro.

I check-in on Mum who is coming to the end of July 3rd on her side of the world. She has had a similar day of remembering, being grateful and allowing the grief to flow. I feel today may be the same for me. I try to close my eyes again, to sleep, but now all I can see and hear is you, asking me whether I have prayed lately. My spirit answers with yes, everyday, but to be honest, not intentionally.

Cover Levi – close the bedroom door – come downstairs. Make a coffee, and then pray.

As I allowed my mind & spirit to be calmed in the early morning silence, I felt an overwhelming of emotions. I thanked God for her life and all that she was to everyone she impacted. All the nuggets of wisdom and late night phone calls with me crying on the other end came rushing to my mind. Texts of encouragement. Texts with jokes. Her giggle.

2-years today. Time is dichotomous. Some say a lot can change, and that time heals, but I’ve also found that moments can be frozen in time, and you never forget the way you felt.

Thank you for still reminding me to pray – I miss you kai Rewa ♡

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